In The Words of a Father

Happy July!
     One thing I've learned along this journey is the importance of fathers in revealing aspects of God's character. So I've invited a fathers in my family to show us a glimpse of that, by sharing the most important things he tells his own children. I'm so excited to share his responce!
-L.

The Most Important Things I Tell My Kids

-David Mataya

As I contemplate the important things I’ve shared with Morgan and Riley over the years, I’m reminded that how I tell them something is nearly as important as what I tell them.  C.H. Spurgeon rightfully said, “When we have to do a severe thing, let us choose the tenderest manner”.  I remember this applying so often as a father. I always underestimated the impact of how I shared, and perhaps still do.  Whether in happy and fun conversations, or in discipline and correction, my heart and demeanor spoke much louder to my children than my words alone.  They would tell you today that I often got this ridiculously wrong, but hopefully their memories are full of examples of God helping me to get it right.  

With the how in mind, here are some key things I tried to repeatedly share:

“I love you”… This may seem like an obvious way to start, but these words can be absent too easily or devoid of true meaning.  Alongside my wife, Colleen, we would remind our children of the actions of love (1 Corinthians 13), love manifested as a fruit of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22-23), and the ultimate picture of love in our Heavenly Father (1 John 4:9-11).  These three words should have meaning to any human child, but they can come alive in the Christian home and our kids knew God set a pretty high bar for what “I love you” really means.

“Please forgive me”… Or often, “I’m sorry”.  It’s so important to bring humility into the father-child relationship.  Nothing reflects humility more than seeking forgiveness, and I don’t know a parent yet who wouldn’t find opportunity to seek it.  There is a time for “I’m sorry” as well. As David Powlison once wrote, “Forgiveness is for sin, apologies are for accidents”. I found ample opportunity for both as a dad.

“Don’t tread on God’s grace”… Never take for granted the cost of His love and forgiveness.  Love Him more because of it, and never think sin doesn’t have a consequence. It put Christ on a cross.

“If someone gives you an inch, don’t be the kind of person who takes a mile”… Recognize the inch and be thankful.  Don’t create expectations that only serve to encourage entitlement or disappoint.

“Mom is more important to me than you are”… Ok, I didn’t really say this.  Or maybe I did! In any case, our kids knew that our marriage relationship was radically important and that we parented as one.  

“I appreciate that, but”… This one will make my kids laugh.  There was much eye-rolling when, after making their case on any given subject or request, I would reply with “I appreciate that”, then go on to tell them why it was a terribly bad idea.  However, even if my appreciation was tongue-in-cheek, it did mean that I had taken the time to listen before any rebuttal.

I could add many more, but in the end, I realize I have very little to say.  However, God has everything to say, and that makes my role as a father possible and valuable.  As a reflection of Christ, we as parents should be the most tangible evidence of grace in our children’s lives.  Hopefully our kids hear that loud and clear, no matter what we feel is important to share.